Dear Embarrassed in Encion,
Thanks for writing to me, Embarrassed. I'd love to help you, but I don't think I can. You don't seem to understand what makes people get friends. People get friends by being loud, and showing off what they have. You're feeling ostracized because you arn't socializing like a normal person. People LOVE IT when you make lots of noise. Just the other day, I pulled this fantastic woman by showing her my thousands of medals, and yelling about the war. Trust me, it worked. In fact, I'm dating this fantastic woman right now, and she seems to LOVE it when I show what I won in the war. Just the other day she asked me to tell another war story. I didn't feel like it though, I've told them so many times, it gets boring for me to recite the exciting stories so often, to so many admiring people.
My advice to you is to stop being such a coward. Through those reservations out the window, and get making some noise. Women love noise, and bravado. Once again, trust me on this. You're cowardice is whats affecting your reputation. Nobody wants to spend time with you because you arn't exciting. Man up, my friend. You mentioned at the beginning of your letter that you are uncomfortable with their loud, rude behaviour in public. I know that I've been telling you to be loud as well, but you also need to take into account being assertive. Assertiveness is a tennant of manhood. If these people are making you feel oppressed, tell them so. Don't let anybody get you down, or take control of you. You have to take control, you have to tell them to get out of your face, and let you be your own man. You have to be assertive, and make them stop ruining your reputation. Reputation is what makes a man. I mean, I have hundreds of medals, and they obviously show me as a warhero. Without those medals, I would have less of a reputation, and therefore be less of a man. You have to keep that reputation, my friend.
I really hope that this advice helped you out,
Minder Mike
Thanks for writing to me, Embarrassed. I'd love to help you, but I don't think I can. You don't seem to understand what makes people get friends. People get friends by being loud, and showing off what they have. You're feeling ostracized because you arn't socializing like a normal person. People LOVE IT when you make lots of noise. Just the other day, I pulled this fantastic woman by showing her my thousands of medals, and yelling about the war. Trust me, it worked. In fact, I'm dating this fantastic woman right now, and she seems to LOVE it when I show what I won in the war. Just the other day she asked me to tell another war story. I didn't feel like it though, I've told them so many times, it gets boring for me to recite the exciting stories so often, to so many admiring people.
My advice to you is to stop being such a coward. Through those reservations out the window, and get making some noise. Women love noise, and bravado. Once again, trust me on this. You're cowardice is whats affecting your reputation. Nobody wants to spend time with you because you arn't exciting. Man up, my friend. You mentioned at the beginning of your letter that you are uncomfortable with their loud, rude behaviour in public. I know that I've been telling you to be loud as well, but you also need to take into account being assertive. Assertiveness is a tennant of manhood. If these people are making you feel oppressed, tell them so. Don't let anybody get you down, or take control of you. You have to take control, you have to tell them to get out of your face, and let you be your own man. You have to be assertive, and make them stop ruining your reputation. Reputation is what makes a man. I mean, I have hundreds of medals, and they obviously show me as a warhero. Without those medals, I would have less of a reputation, and therefore be less of a man. You have to keep that reputation, my friend.
I really hope that this advice helped you out,
Minder Mike
James,
ReplyDeleteYou have his personality down, but I'd like to hear more of his voice. Use Hemingway's language and structure to help... the length fits his need to talk about nothing!
Ms. M